I yelled. In the grand scheme, I understand that this one moment is infinitesimally less than a note in humanity’s symphony. But in my son’s universe, I was the one plucking the strings and reverberating waves of discord through his … Continue reading →
I was having a fantastic morning; Killer workout, wacky Wednesday at my son’s school and a Superfood smoothie. Seriously, all the ingredients to a bang-up day. And then I pulled into the parking lot at work. Because of my superb(Read: … Continue reading →
Seen this commercial on TV lately? Yeah. Me too. And every single time I see that beautiful little girl on the trampoline I get a bit more pissed off. Why, because little girls don’t need to grow up in a … Continue reading →
1. Mom guilt trips: I really thought that I would be this super self-actualized mother, who wouldn’t resort to guilt trips like mothers of yesteryear. Nope. You can scratch that. Want to know why you call your mom every week … Continue reading →
We’re sitting in an Einsteins bagels, enjoying carbohydrate goodness, when the King decides that he would like to be master and commander of his muffin; King: I wanna cut muflin! Me: But you’re eating with your hands, isn’t that more … Continue reading →
There once was a mom of a King, who was trying to teach him some thing. You know, how to behave with a bladder expanding. To pee on the pot, would mean quite a lot So she found herself awkwardly … Continue reading →
2013 was a banner year in the DeconMama household. I learned a lot about myself and my parenting (lack-of) style. I’d like to begin this year however, drawing your attention to a global parenting problem that I will be committing … Continue reading →
On one hand I realize that toddler’s behavior is driven by a need for budding independence. On the other hand, that’s total BS, it’s driven by Karma. And Karma remembers what a ‘precocious’ child I was. We had just concluded … Continue reading →
I (like many other parents, Judgey McJudgerson) have been known to allow my child to stumble upon the iPad when I need some time to get ready in the morning or need closed door potty time. Do I feel guilty … Continue reading →
I think we’ve all been duped. Seriously, we’re all running around under the assumption that somewhere in this mad mad world, there exists a toddler who behaves ALL the time. Like, this prodigal tot just lives in a perpetual state of perfect behavior. Hell, I’ve even gone so far as to think that these outbursts were instances of split personalities.
Let me be frank with you. This proto-child is NOT my child. In the last week, I have seen him go boneless at the idea of eating string cheese that had already been strung, fling his tiny body across a table because I wouldn’t let him race across wet floors to get his hat and jacket from his cubby, and pencil roll stark naked down the hallway when faced with a clean diaper and pajamas. Oh, and heaven forbid I am not able to defy physics and return a tangerine to spherical form!
Have I bought into the hype that this behavior isn’t normal? Am I deluding myself into thinking there is some other way to live? And who the heck gave us these unrealistic expectations?
My son is delightful 89% of the time, but around 4 pm, the husband and I start walking on eggshells. The thing about eggshells though, is that they are going to break. No matter how hard or soft you step, they are going to break. Same with the King, doesn’t matter if I’m spoiling for a toddler brawl and stand my parental ground or acquiesce to his dictator demands, he’s going to flip the fuck out. There will be screaming. There will be tears. There will be blood. Ok, the last was a bit dramatic, but you get the point.
It’s normal, and it brings so much more meaning to the old saying……….
This has little to nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with morons. Today, a friend in my Mommy’s group messaged me to let me know that there was a shady looking dude walking around our neighborhood with … Continue reading →
So, I haven’t written in about a month, but I am very much alive. I was awesomely nominated for a Sunshine award by some rockin fellow bloggers and as soon as my head is above water again, I will write all about it.
But right now ………..
Also, this buzzfeed video is a joke but I really really want to do this 90% of the time.
I just need to keep going.
Just. Keep. Going.
We’re sitting in an Einsteins bagels, enjoying carbohydrate goodness, when the King decides that he would like to be master and commander of his muffin;
King: I wanna cut muflin!
Me: But you’re eating with your hands, isn’t that more fun?!
DeconPapa: It’s ok, here you go.
**He hands the King a plastic knife**
King: Tank you, Daddy.
**DeconPapa looks smugly at me for exactly 3.4 seconds before pieces of hacked up muffin begin flying all over the place and I look at him with my own version of a smug look**
DeconPapa: Hey buddy, can I have the knife back?
** The King pulls the offending plastic cutter away from DeconPapa’s outstretched hand, clutches it tightly to his chest and narrows his eyes**
King: I will CUT you, Daddy.
Understandably, DeconPapa let the little man cut his muffin.