Today is going to go down in the annals of history.
Seriously, years from now, Bards will tell the tale of one Momma who, against all odds, made the impossible possible.
Don’t believe me? I’ll set the scene for you.
Our weekday morning routine runs like clockwork. From the second I turn off the alarm, to the moment the garage door slides shut, it takes me 55 minutes to get dressed, get the King dressed, gather our crap, find his lovie and get out the door.
A 3-day weekend of nerdiness, potty training and fevers, however, made this lady complacent and after putting down my Nook( read*teen fiction) and removing my glasses, I failed to perform one critical night time action. I didn’t turn the alarm on.
Fast-forward 8 hours, to a Mama and a toddler cuddled in bed and sunlight streaming in between the cracks in the roman shades.
Wait? WTF? Sunlight? I flipped over and confirmed what I already knew. We had pissed away 43 of our precious 55 minutes, sleeping.
I hopped out of bed and threw on my gym clothes. Luckily, we had done laundry the day before and i didn’t have to waste time sniff testing socks and shit. Then I barreled into the bathroom and in my hurry, used a toothpaste covered finger to put in my contact lenses. After screaming and jumping around for 10 seconds, I hefted the still sleeping King out of bed and into a fresh diaper and a relatively non-disheveled outfit.
His teeth were brushed and tiny face cleaned and we had our bags and morning banana in the car ready to go. I glanced down at the dashboard clock as I started the mini-minivan.
I fully expected there to be hoards of seasoned mothers throwing confetti and Poptarts at us as we backed down the driveway.
Can you say Badass?
No, let me help you. It’s pronounced: